Saturday, February 26, 2011

It's The Parents I Don't Get: Part 2

I could never be silent if my son were living with a young woman. He'd hear it from me..and often.  How could I encourage their playing house? Without a ring on the finger, it's easy to bail out when things get a revolving door..this year Mary...two years later, Sally, then who? Don't get me started.

A few years ago, my son visited with his soon-to-be fiancee, I made it clear before they came that they would be sleeping in separate rooms. And they did. Why? Because, I would someday stand before God and answer for what I allowed in my home. The outcome. They both understood, "My house...My rules."  It didn't harm our relationship. My now daughter-in-law loves and respects me. I did what was right...what God expected me to do. I believe that someday they will do the same. We need to lead by example.

What's's okay for my 18 year old to go away for the weekend with her new beau? WHAT! Not with my permission, young lady. Yeah, they may sneak away, but not with my blessing. And bull...oh, you're just forcing them to lie. Let's see, "Well, God, I didn't want my teenager to be mad at me and lie, so I didn't stop her from sleeping with her boyfriend on their weekend get-away."

"How many years do you think it'll take your son to make a commitment to the girl he's living with?" I recently asked a friend, "Ten" she answered. Her son is an almost 30 year old, well-heeled professional living with his significant other for 5 years. Didn't her son know she was the one for him, like, two years into their relationship? That must really make Miss-Give-The-Milk-For-Free feel cherished.

So our kids sleep around, live together, have babies out of wedlock and parents don't voice their objection. Our kids dress like streetwalkers or grunge slobs, attend Mass in mini-skirts and low cut tops or don't attend at all, and parents don't voice their outrage.  Our kids listen to sordid music that tells them to disrespect authority, beat their women, have sex like bunnies, they watch, admire and emulate celebrities who cheat, lie, steal, send nude photos of themselves over their phones, binge on drugs and alcohol and parents don't tell them what low-lifes they idolize. Our kids don't marry in church, don't receive the sacraments, rarely pray and parents shrug.  Our kids don't respect their elders, use the "F" word as if it were an adjective, and parents ignore it.  Are these parents spineless?  Have they read too many flawed, liberal parenting books?  Have parents forgotton that they offend God by ignoring His principles?

We were all young once and did lots of fool hardy things. We sowed our wild oats. Did we do stuff we are not proud of--heck, yes. But I had hoped we learned from our own mistakes and would pass these valuable lessons along to our kids. Instead, we let all the worst of things perpetuate. Are there kids who do the right thing...yep. Are there parents who do the right thing, yep. Are they the minority....yep. And don't get me started about the geezers that decide they should live together to preserve their pension funds, etc. Oh yeah, like God is going to say, "Sure, the money was way more important than attaining heaven and you held out until you were 70...good for you"
Fact:  The risk of divorce is 50 percent higher for cohabitors than for non-cohabitors
Fact: Living-together couples have more problematic, lower-quality relationships and report less-satisfying marriage when they do marry.
Fact: Negative impact upon children, including a much higher incidence of child abuse (10 to 33 times more likely with unmarried couples)
Fact: Live-Togethers avoid discussing or dealing with problematic areas lest those discussions weaken or break their already tenuous connection
Fact:  Higher degree of repressed anger and avoid criticism of each other’s annoying behavior due to the fragile nature of  their relationship
Fact: Many Live-in couples fail to develop realistic and satisfactory financial habits. Couples treasure independence and economic equality. Solid marriages require interdependence and mutual exchange of resources.
Lastly: We are made in the image and likeness of God. We are spiritual beings. It's hard to quiet the guilt associated with living together. It forces many to lie to parents or avoid spending time with them, older relatives, and with God. If we are not in the state of grace...where do our blessings come from?  (adapted from Catholic Update )

If we think that God is not watching....think again. If we think we won't answer to Him when we stand before Him....guess again. If we think there's no more room in hell....think again. We are responsible for our children's spiritual well-being.  It starts with prayer for them when they are very young. We pray that the Holy Spirit removes the spiritual blinders from their eyes. We ask God to protect them from the sins of this world. We storm heaven! In the end, we may not be able to persuade them to be more moral, more obedient to God's commands, but we don't have to condone and celebrate their cohabitation, negative behavior and choices.  After we have done all we can do, with love and a firm resolve, we have to step back and let God have the final word. For me....I don't want to hear Him say, "And you stood by and said nothing? You gave your stamp of approval? Don't get me started."


  1. Yes!! I love this! Part I and Part II! So very true, all of it. I never understood, either, why the parents don't have more courage and strength?? It makes no sense to me. When did everyone become a wimp, or stop worrying about their children's souls? Sigh.

    Thanks for the great posts!

  2. I'm always interested in what you have to say, Lelia...thanks for the comment. Yes, when did parents wimp out on good parenting? N

  3. Coming from a the generation that is currently being raised up this way when I see my siblings and friends choosing this lifestyle it's incredibly hard on me. I know that there is so much more that is out there for them if they are but willing to be patient. It puts me in a difficult decision especially because I'm not the parent. How do you be a 20 year old and tell your parents and other parents that the way they're raising their children and what they're allowing their children to do is wrong? This post has me thinking. Thank you.

  4. Hi Cassi: You are finding favor with God and that is what matters the most. You lead by example and if asked share how you feel in a non-judgmental way. Simply: It's not right for me and God doesn't approve of it. In the end, we stand before God and can only ans. for our own actions. I'm so proud to "meet" a brave, moral young woman. God bless you, honey. And thank you for the comment..I'm glad this post got you thinking. Please come back and visit. N