It's The Parents I Don't Get: Part 2

foryourmarriage.org



I could never be silent if my son were living with a young woman. He'd hear it from me..and often.  How could I encourage their playing house? Without a ring on the finger, it's easy to bail out when things get rough...like a revolving door..this year Mary...two years later, Sally, then who? Don't get me started.

A few years ago, my son visited with his soon-to-be fiancee, I made it clear before they came that they would be sleeping in separate rooms. And they did. Why? Because, I would someday stand before God and answer for what I allowed in my home. The outcome. They both understood, "My house...My rules."  It didn't harm our relationship. My now daughter-in-law loves and respects me. I did what was right...what God expected me to do. I believe that someday they will do the same. We need to lead by example.

What's with....it's okay for my 18 year old to go away for the weekend with her new beau? WHAT! Not with my permission, young lady. Yeah, they may sneak away, but not with my blessing. And bull...oh, you're just forcing them to lie. Let's see, "Well, God, I didn't want my teenager to be mad at me and lie, so I didn't stop her from sleeping with her boyfriend on their weekend get-away."

"How many years do you think it'll take your son to make a commitment to the girl he's living with?" I recently asked a friend, "Ten" she answered. Her son is an almost 30 year old, well-heeled professional living with his significant other for 5 years. Didn't her son know she was the one for him, like, two years into their relationship? That must really make Miss-Give-The-Milk-For-Free feel cherished.

So our kids sleep around, live together, have babies out of wedlock and parents don't voice their objection. Our kids dress like streetwalkers or grunge slobs, attend Mass in mini-skirts and low cut tops or don't attend at all, and parents don't voice their outrage.  Our kids listen to sordid music that tells them to disrespect authority, beat their women, have sex like bunnies, they watch, admire and emulate celebrities who cheat, lie, steal, send nude photos of themselves over their phones, binge on drugs and alcohol and parents don't tell them what low-lifes they idolize. Our kids don't marry in church, don't receive the sacraments, rarely pray and parents shrug.  Our kids don't respect their elders, use the "F" word as if it were an adjective, and parents ignore it.  Are these parents spineless?  Have they read too many flawed, liberal parenting books?  Have parents forgotton that they offend God by ignoring His principles?

We were all young once and did lots of fool hardy things. We sowed our wild oats. Did we do stuff we are not proud of--heck, yes. But I had hoped we learned from our own mistakes and would pass these valuable lessons along to our kids. Instead, we let all the worst of things perpetuate. Are there kids who do the right thing...yep. Are there parents who do the right thing, yep. Are they the minority....yep. And don't get me started about the geezers that decide they should live together to preserve their pension funds, etc. Oh yeah, like God is going to say, "Sure, the money was way more important than attaining heaven and you held out until you were 70...good for you"

foryourmarriage.org

Fact:  The risk of divorce is 50 percent higher for cohabitors than for non-cohabitors
Fact: Living-together couples have more problematic, lower-quality relationships and report less-satisfying marriage when they do marry.
Fact: Negative impact upon children, including a much higher incidence of child abuse (10 to 33 times more likely with unmarried couples)
Fact: Live-Togethers avoid discussing or dealing with problematic areas lest those discussions weaken or break their already tenuous connection
Fact:  Higher degree of repressed anger and avoid criticism of each other’s annoying behavior due to the fragile nature of  their relationship
Fact: Many Live-in couples fail to develop realistic and satisfactory financial habits. Couples treasure independence and economic equality. Solid marriages require interdependence and mutual exchange of resources.
Lastly: We are made in the image and likeness of God. We are spiritual beings. It's hard to quiet the guilt associated with living together. It forces many to lie to parents or avoid spending time with them, older relatives, and with God. If we are not in the state of grace...where do our blessings come from?  (adapted from Catholic Update )

If we think that God is not watching....think again. If we think we won't answer to Him when we stand before Him....guess again. If we think there's no more room in hell....think again. We are responsible for our children's spiritual well-being.  It starts with prayer for them when they are very young. We pray that the Holy Spirit removes the spiritual blinders from their eyes. We ask God to protect them from the sins of this world. We storm heaven! In the end, we may not be able to persuade them to be more moral, more obedient to God's commands, but we don't have to condone and celebrate their cohabitation, negative behavior and choices.  After we have done all we can do, with love and a firm resolve, we have to step back and let God have the final word. For me....I don't want to hear Him say, "And you stood by and said nothing? You gave your stamp of approval? Don't get me started."

It's The Parents I Don't Get: Part 1

Some who read this will say I'm a self-righteous, pompous ass. So be it. Some will say that I should not judge...or I shall be judged. So be it. It is America and anyone who reads this can say what he/she wants. And so I shall have my say.

When I stand before God, He will ask me, among other things, why I didn't speak up, but remained silent. Was I afraid to defend decency...to defend His laws? Was I embarrassed about what others might say about my opinions?  This is the sin of omission...You know, the part in the Mass when we tap our breast and say, "In our thoughts, in our words, in what we have done and in what we have failed to do..."

God remains ever the same. He does not change His law to suit modern society.  St. Peter's words in Acts 5:29

"We ought to obey God rather than men." still holds true today. The way God asks us to lead our lives takes precedence over what we think things ought to be, what we think is acceptable behavior using the guidelines of today's society.

If God seems distant it is because we are far from grace, His grace. When we complain that God has drifted away, it is not true. He remains constant, the same. We are the ones that move away from God, drifting away from the Light, sometimes into the gray, sometimes into the darkness.

I can better understand the "kids" today, then I can their parents. After all, it is those of the Baby Boomer generation who took prayer out of schools, tried to be "friends" with their kids rather than an authoritative figure, gave them creature comforts and never asked that they work for these comforts, decided that soccer practice was more important than church on Sunday, eliminated the sanctity of life...just to name a few. So add to that the smut kids watch on TV, the trash they read in the tabloids, the crap they listen to on the radio and  I "get" where the kids come from....garbage in, garbage out.

It's the parents I don't "get".  When did it go out of style to tell our kids, no....when did we think it was okay in God's eyes? "I'm so thrilled that my son is getting married in May," said a woman I'd just met.  "He's been living with his girlfriend for five years....their 2 year old will be the ring bearer." I was stunned. Not because her son was living with his girlfriend or that they had a 2 year old...sadly, that's common place. I was stunned that she was crowing about it! It took her son five years to do what was right, it took him two years to make the child legit and Grandma was just so proud of her boy. Don't get me started.

I know good men and women who just can't get themselves to tell their grown children that their immoral behavior is wrong, wrong, wrong.  God says that Cohabitation is wrong, but who are we to hurt our children's feeling and tell them we just won't accept it.  It's downright irresponsible for us, for the sake of their immortal soul, not to express our objection and concerns.

theknot.com


  And all this living together stuff....all this having babies before the "I do". Is cohabiting a step before marriage or a step before commitment?  What does the Church teach: We believe that marriage is the permanent union of a man and a woman, instituted by God. It is the total giving of each person's physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual being without reservations. This belief is grounded in the revelations of God, and the teachings of Jesus Christ. God's ways are the best ways for His children and when couples choose to cohabit there is no spiritual foundation for the union, no lifelong commitment, no promise of fidelity... which leads to instability. (adapted from: Our Sunday Visitor pamphlet, What The Church Teaches: Cohabitation )

How did living together become the norm? What happened to "principles"? A daughter moves in with her boyfriend and Dad doesn't take the young man aside and say, "No damn way my daughter is moving in with you without a commitment."  How about, you're living in sin....it's against God's law, and if you die, you have to answer for this? Duh.
Yes, kids are going to do what they want. But, do we have to condone it? This is the heart of this post. Make them uncomfortable, damn it. If you have a good relationship, it's not going to end it. Yeah, he/she will be ticked at you. But God will be even more ticked off. Who are you more afraid of..your snot-nose kid? Or the Almighty King of Kings! Don't get me started.

Part 2 is on the burner. It will contain FACTS on Cohabitation. So stay tune....and pray for our younger generation and those who turn a blind eye to immoral behavior. God bless.

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 "Life at Conception Act" (S.91), which will define personhood from the moment of conception. Support Sen. Roger Wicker in his fight for the Life of the Innocent Unborn. Defend those who can't defend themselves. Due to modern technology a human being is viable at the earliest stage of life. No one can deny that the tiny life moves, breaths, sucks his/her thumb and feels pain...great pain when it is ripped from what should be the safest place a child can be...in the mother's womb.

End the Murder of the Unborn Child by taking action at the American Family Association link.

Do what is right...Do what is good....Do it Now!